You thought you had it all. You were in love, and everything looked terrific until it didn’t. Sometimes the relationship ends amicably. When that happens, it’s easy to move on. Unfortunately, sooner or later, we come up against the messy breakup. Not only is this kind of an end to a relationship unsettling, but it can also be very damaging to your self-worth.
If you are in this position and need some strategies to reconstruct your self-worth after a messy breakup, we can help you out.
Try these tips to to restore positive feelings.
Cut Your Self-Worth Some Slack
We don’t always like the person that we were in a relationship. This is especially true if things ended badly. You might have said and done things you later regretted. Rather than beat yourself up for becoming a victim or misbehaving, accept that sometimes you’re not at your best. This doesn’t make you a bad person.
What it does make you is human. Accept who you are without judgment and go on from there.
What Are You Saying?
It’s not uncommon to experience an increase in negative self-talk after a bad breakup. For one thing, you might have adopted some of the pet phrases of the person who just left. Critical comments designed to tear you down are bad enough when someone else is saying them to you, but they are a whole lot worse when you start saying them yourself.
It’s time to put a halt to any kind of bad-mouthing.
Instead, start working towards saying more positive things designed to build back your self-worth.
Get Rid of Harmful Influences
Harmful influences can take many forms. Social media trolls, ‘well-meaning’ friends, inadequate coping mechanisms such as drugs or alcohol are all drag anchors in your life. You do not have time for things that are only going to drag you down. If it’s toxic, it has to go.
Consciously Work to Improve Your Life
What is it you’ve always wanted to do? To help build back your self-worth, look for ways to improve yourself. Now would be a great time to take a class, work toward a promotion, or try out a new hobby. Create a goal that is meaningful to you and work hard to achieve it.
You will find this is cathartic even as it builds you up.
No Matter What, Give Yourself Some Time
A messy breakup isn’t resolved in a day. You will have moments where you feel bad. But by consciously working to build back your self-worth, those moments will come less often until they disappear entirely.
Life will get better, and so will you.
Release Your Victimhood
The more you focus on what happened, the more you get stuck, so the sooner you can quit revisiting the past and dwelling on perceptions of ill treatment, the sooner you’re going to put all this behind you.
This doesn’t mean to say this was your fault, but obsessing about the ‘shoulds’ and going back over every encounter is only going to hurt you regardless of whether you were in the right or not.
Drop the Blame
Was it your fault? Not. The sooner you can let go of any residual guilt or bad feelings about the relationship, the happier you’ll be. The next step should help.
Silence Their Voice
The problem with toxic relationships is you tend to believe what the other person said about you, no matter how outlandish it seemed at the time.
Now their voice is there, lurking in your head to remind you of all your so-called shortcomings at every opportunity-time to tell them to shut up once and for all.
Embrace the New You
Find joy in being single. Spoil yourself. Do that thing you always wanted to do. Take lessons, build your skill set as you build yourself up. Become your own best friend in a way that doesn’t require validation from any outside source.
Believe Your Friends
You hear the compliments, but they’re going in one ear and out the other. Rather than brush off the nice things, people around you are saying, start listening. Listening until these words become a part of who you are.
Create Goals You Love
What would you like to do with your life? Too often, our goals reflect the needs and desires around us. Now is the time to reverse this. Accepting you are capable, and your goals are worth fighting for, what do YOU want to do?
Work through the worst offenders of negative self-talk through positive affirmations. Take note of what you’re telling yourself. Rewrite the script and turn these statements around into affirmations that you read to yourself every day.
Remember, this is a process and is likely to take time. By reminding yourself of just how amazing you are, and focusing hard on these steps, eventually, you will start feeling the difference even if you don’t see it yet.
Hang in there!
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